This past week has been a doosey! From the get go it was rough. Monday morning, exhausted from my 10 month old's lapse in sleep routine I turned off my husband's alarm, rolled over and said "Your alarm went off." And then proceeded to go back to sleep. When we were woken up by my son's cries I checked the clock and it was 7:53am. My husband starts work at 8am.
I also misplaced my watch, a very nice watch my husband gave me for my birthday 2 years ago and my Blackberry decided that it had had enough of my son's drool and died. You don't realize how much you use those tech devices until they are kaput and then you are stuck, seemingly stranded with only a laptop and smoke signals to communicate. Oh and our dishwasher decided it didn't like having its door closed anymore. Yep a doosey of a week my friends, a doosey.
Well, I have been trying to keep up with my devotions (which I used to do on my Blackberry) and I am just finishing of the book of Mark. What a great book. Chapters 14 and 15 really struck me as I read them. Every time I read the Gospels I identify with the same disciple; Peter.
Peter had history with Jesus and yet when the rubber met the road he failed the man he himself identified as the Son of God (Matthew 16:16). I grew up in the church. Like Peter I knew right from wrong. Like Peter I had even experienced Jesus and His power in my life and had seen it in the lives of others. But I still turned my back on Him when my pain seemed too great, my failure seemed too deep and my shame overwhelmed me. Peter did the same.
When Jesus predicted Peter's denial Peter couldn't believe his ears. He along with all the disciples pledged undying allegiance to Jesus. In some capacity I am sure they were actually hurt Jesus would think such a thing, but Jesus didn't just think - he knew. Jesus even explained to Peter that because of what was to come he had been praying for Peter specifically. In Luke 22:32 he says, "But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”
My responses, like Peter's always seem to be over or under what God would want from me. Peter was asked to sit and wait. Jesus even verbalized how important it was to Him for Peter and James and John. "... Sit here while I pray.” 33 He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. 34 “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.”
35 Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him."
Seemed like a simple request for a friend to make of another friend. "I just need you to be here, with me. I feel alone." But Peter along with the others fell asleep. "37 Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Simon,” he said to Peter, “are you asleep? Couldn’t you keep watch for one hour? 38 Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” He calls out Peter specifically. He expected more from Peter. But that didn't keep Peter from dozing off again. "39 Once more he went away and prayed the same thing. 40 When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. They did not know what to say to him." Peter and the others missed the mark. They "under" reacted to Jesus' request. Been there.
Right after this "failure" Peter is faced with the terrifying reality of Jesus being arrested. Peter's passion takes over and he draws his sword and attacks one of the high priest's servants, the "over / under response" rears its ugly head. Jesus reprimands Peter and heals the high priests servant - one of the men trying to arrest Jesus. He "over" reacted that time. In that moment - that split second I am sure Peter felt justified but then the truth sets in and ... oh I have been there too. Knowing you just keep screwing things up. Feeling like a absolute failure. A repeat offender on God's "such a disappointment" list. It causes feelings of guilt and shame, even sorrow when I fail. "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."
Just hours earlier when Jesus had challenged Peter's loyalty, predicting his denial Peter had been crushed and vehement in arguing it could never happen (Luke 22:33-35), but Jesus knew. He didn't skirt the issue. Look again at the prayer Jesus had prayed. "But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” Now that is grace! "Peter, even though you will fail me, I pray your faith will not. And when you turn back to me, back to where you are supposed to be, strengthen the others. Help them turn back too." What a grace filled prayer! What a miraculous prayer!
Peter did fall asleep when Jesus asked him to pray. Peter failed. His inattentiveness to Jesus' request allowed him to doze off. We do the same. Whether physically, or more likely spiritually we allow ourselves to "doze off". Apathy takes a seat, puts up the Sunday paper and two minutes later our hearts are "sawing logs". Peter did violently attack the servant to the high priest. Peter failed. He allowed his anger and fear to control his actions. We do the same. We use our religiosity or even our own tainted sense of justice to validate our violent actions or more often,words. Peter did deny Jesus. Peter failed. He allowed fear to dictate his response in the situation. We do the same. We deny Christ when we ignore opportunities to serve others, to love others, to share Jesus with others. We fail. But we must remember what Jesus said to Peter, "But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” My eyes are glistening with tears as this prayer reverberates in my own heart.
We are told that Jesus is at the right hand of the Father interceding for each of us. Just as Christ prayed for Peter he prays for us. We will fail, but pray that your faith will not. Do not let mistakes, missteps and missed opportunities blind you to Christ's powerful grace. Do not accept the chains of shame and regret in place of the wings of forgiveness and freedom.
Romans 8:31-39
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
And when "you have turned back, strengthen your brothers too." Just like Peter, once we have turned back we must - MUST - help others turn back too. We all fail. Faith leads back from failure to freedom. We are all in this together so we need to remind each other of God's power, His faithfulness, His love and His grace - His amazing grace. How much stronger is the bond between soldiers who have taken turns dragging each others' wounded bodies through the mud, have wiped away the tears of surrender and inspired courage and valor to once again rise in each others' hearts, and who have ensured their comrades have made it safely home?
Failure will happen. We must decide if we will let it rob our faith. Don't give shame, guilt, regret, anger, hurt - whatever - don't give it a place in your life. Don't let it glom on to your heart. Instead when we fail, we must cling to our faith and to the knowledge that even our own failures cannot separate us from the love of God unless we allow them to. Let God's grace amaze you each day so that despite your failure your faith will remain strong.
My faithful Father, enduring Friend
Your tender mercy’s like a river with no end
It overwhelms me, covers my sin
Each time I come into Your presence
I stand in wonder once again
Your grace still amazes me
Your love is still a mystery
Each day I fall on my knees
Your grace still amazes me
‘Cause Your grace still amazes me
Oh, patient Saviour, You make me whole
You are the Author and the Healer of my soul
What can I give You, Lord, what can I say
I know there’s no way to repay You
Only to offer You my praise
It’s deeper, it’s wider
It’s stronger, it’s higher
It’s deeper it’s wider
It’s stronger, it’s higher
than anything my eyes can see
Your grace still amazes me
Your love is still a mystery
Each day I fall on my knees
Your grace still amazes me
‘Cause Your grace still amazes me
PHillips, Craig and Dean
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